not sure whether i have moved on in life.

blog song currently, singalongsong. Is for u. this song is my 24hr song on my mp3 now. this song represents u totally. this song becomes so rocks because of u.

thanks to everyone including u for all the birthday wishes. be it msn, blogs, sms, hand shakes etc.

20 years old already. i have told myself. i must grow up. no longer throwing temper, being a spoiled brat. and in handling relationship, i MUST be mature.

similarly to my previous post, i love u and i always do.

today.

im emotionally breakdown. all of a sudden, i feel so scared. and i just teared at commonwealth mrt with so many people passin by.

after thinking, am i really that hateful? am i really that selfish? am i so acting cute? so many "am i" coming through my mind. But thanks for being frank with me.

im really really scared. seriously speaking, i dont mind the whole world hating me. except him. i do not want to see him ignoring me, treating me as stranger. in fact he is doing that right now. wanting to have a heart to heart talk with him. i suddenly felt that i have no position to do that.

i really really scare of losing him. i do not want to see things happening like this now. what can i do? what shall i do? how can i do? can anyone tell me? im feeling real miserable.

im hating myself more n more. how i wish i can end my life now and restart all over again.

can anyone tell me what to do? i feel so lost. =(

after this post, another round of crying. bet i will c myself with swollen eyes tomorrow when i wake up.

but at least, i am able to cry all my hearts out. perhaps i will feel better afterwards.

wont be blogging anymore. so i decided to open up my blog. maybe the very next time i will blog is....... when i have moved on in life? but right now, pls allow me to say one last time. this moment, 18 feb, 1221am, i love Lua Yong Liang. i will really love you as long as i live. but i know, i am not allowed to. i do not care how many friends around me that keep saying me dumb, stupid for doing so much for you, i love you for who you are and what you are.

perhaps, 20th birthday this year will be spending alone at home. hiding myself at one corner. or maybe i will buy my favourite cake at NYDC with 1 candle, sing Happy Birthday to myself. hmm no, i wont be spending alone. i have Yuki and Chibi with me at home.

alrite. g2g. im prepared to cry all out. tomorrow, can i still be myself?

lastly, very lasssstttt timeeeeeeeee. Lua Yong Liang, i love you.

My heart is in a mess.
I'm so mixed feeling now.
right now, i miss him like mad, pissed off with him, yearning to hear his voice n to entertain me, angry w him, needs him......

valentine's day despite wasn't spent w him. I had a pretty good time w xie shun, n his frens, Daniel n shan shan. Went yuan dian pub for singing n drinkin. Despite atmosphere wasn't tat pleasant. But tks for makin e nite great. At least, I'm not staying at home crying alone. :(

and reached home exceptionally late. 2plus in e mornin. N caused me to be late for work. At least i ended work at 730, just nice can go n hv dinner w xiao di. Woohoo. Had dinner at cafe cartel. Nice one!

at least today at work i was pretty cheerful? Haiz. I seriously do not know how to behave tmr.

how i wish i can cry my hearts out. N i will be able to move on? But now, i cant even shear a tear out. At least, i really hope tat i can handle tis maturely.

Alrite. Another workin day tmr. All e best to me.

Happy Valentine's Day to all~

Right now. Im feeling unhappy. Real unhappy. Though i dont show it out.
Thoughout the whole day, all my mind is him, him, and him. Yes, Lua Yong Liang.

Seriously i do not know what's going on between both of us right now. But somehow i know the answer. I know, i should not be too over-emotional over him. Nevertheless, i cant stop feeling that. Thank god there's Jun Hong and Sok Feng in the office for me to complain/whine on.

Suddenly, i feel so insecure, huge fear within me. I dunno how to carry on my life, without him. Seems that i can, im startin to feel that i can no longer do that.

However, seems that it's time for me to give up. To prevent greater disappointment.
But right now, i love you. Nothing can ever deny this. ):

Time to move on. Time to step out of comfort zone. Time to get over.

New blog skin!

Not fully done yet. So bear with me alrite!

Have been reading my past posts from feb 07 until now. Realised that i have really changed alot. And my life seems interesting huh?! From days in GESS, to Earle Swensen's, to RP sem 1 and 2.. Realised that from 5 jan, all my posts have been mentioning abt him?

Have not been talking to him for more than 24 hours! Luckily work was pretty busy or else... haiz.

Valentine's day coming soon. I dont expect anything on that day. Serious. Think i'll just happily working full shift that day ba. And soon, 20th birthday comin soon.

Wow it's 4.06am now! i have been listening Singalongsong non-stop for the past 2 hours!

Off to you-tube now!

I love this song alot today.

Was watching MTV china at home before i go work. Saw this music video and immediately i love this song.

anyway. i had indicated everything that i wanted to say to him already. e rest lies with fate ba. (:
really thanks to friends around me that had advised me. allows me to react and see things more differently. otherwise, im afraid i will handle this relationship really badly.

happy 1mth friendship day friend! its really really nice to have u as my "xiao di".really thanks for all the advises, e time to hear all my complaints and whining, and also e supper times!

i shall, will be a happy girl. with and also without you, Lua Yong Liang. (:
today shall mark the last day whereby i will cry because of u.

LASTLY! Happy 6 months to me and StarHub! (:

Working in StarHub allows me to learn alot of things. To see the real working life, office politics etc.. nevertheless, i learnt to handle stress better, knowing so many great people and also earning my first 2.2k (:

梁咏琪-礼物
作曲:梁咏琪填词:梁咏琪编曲: johnny yim

女人都渴望归属 可是热情怎样保持温度 oh
眼泪是快乐的附属 却又让我驯服

终于一天看清楚 能够爱过痛过也算幸福
这一路的旅途风光明媚 还是绝路都是昨天笑忘书

每个人都有一份礼物 就是为另外一个人付出
没经历过挥之不去的痛苦 不懂珍惜手中的礼物
每个熟悉的哀乐喜怒 藏在心里最温暖的深处
王子公主谁能逃得过痛哭 能够勇敢爱下去是最好的礼物

今天我已经领悟今天就是礼物

Im so pissed today. Right now even.
I shall hack care already. Who cares abt u?????
Luckily i still have friends to stand by me now.
At least im not that alone.
Im siao right? watever!

Anyway, im working FULL on next sat. HAPPY?

*i think im gone case. =(

Off work soon!

Haiz. I think i just saw something that i shouldnt see. C, im emo now already. but. emo for wat?

weird me. Better slp le la! Tomorrow still got to work *Despite is afternoon shift.

Right before i started blogging, was reading Xue Jun's blog.
sort of touching la~ when my name was mentioned (of course she will la! wahahaha)

hmm. well, been enjoying my holidays for 2weeks already. Im starting to miss W45H already. =(
Picnic at East coast on wed!! woohoo! im so willing to take off on wed just to get to see you guys, despite not able to see him. =(

ever since holidays, its all abt work, and work. Only things that are interesting is to "fight" for answering many inbound calls as possible, daily lunch time and also supper with friend. And also, my off day!

Off day on tues was a.. Thumbs up! Seriously i love spending time with him. (:
wahahaha.
1st stop. lunched at Vivo's White Dog cafe. So sorry that i made my food seems untouched. =( promise i will finish my food next time.
next. movie. The Punisher. that movie was... -.- super violence! but still.. nice la.
next. trained to orchard. and i gotten my new wallet and new shoe!
haiz. seems im always one who shops alot.
next. trained to commonwealth n had long john for supper. seriously i enjoying being sent home by him. (: and luckily, he finally bought something! Toothbrush at seng siong. -.-

no idea why. although i get to see him everyday, i still miss him alot. nowadays, whenever i see him, i will either smile or laugh. perhaps, seeing him is really the nicest thing happening around me. and today, when Jeremy asked me for my number, i accidently just say out his number. seems that im more familar with his number than my very own number.

supper today after work is shiokness! thanks friend for the time! really glad you are sharing alot about yourself and more suppers to come! 5 more days before our 1 mth friendship day! (:

msn with ShiQi just now.

.+. angelic-loves .+. says (11:45 PM):
thanks for being there for me with an open arms and still regard me as your friend after all these years of friendships. :)
.+. angelic-loves .+. says (11:46 PM):
don't know why im so sentimental today. i just want to let you know that, i really do cherish our friendship, alot. :)

Me too! (:

i miss him i miss him i miss him. looking forward to sat to come! ((: